Lifestyle / Love

The Lessons from With this Ring: Choose You First

According to the latest statistics, fifty percent of Black women will never get married. On January 24, Lifetime original movie, “With this Ring,” depicts the story of three friends set on the mission of marriage within one year. The mission wasn’t about finding love and happiness, but a wedding or engagement ring placed on their left ring finger. One of the friends, Trista, played by Regina Hall, refused to fit into the mold and become another statistic of another unwed Black woman. I learned a lot from this star cast of Black Hollywood actors and actresses. I decided to share five lessons with you all. It was interesting because the same night the movie aired I celebrated the engagement of one of my sorority sisters. I’m almost thirty without a husband or fiancé, but will I parade myself on the task to get the “ring.” Not at all. My Better will come when I least expect him to arrive. In actuality, “With this Ring” focused on more than just getting the ring. I was able to able to learn five important lessons while watching the movie.

1. He’s an ex for a reason. In the movie, Trista’s ex-boyfriend reappeared in her life around the same time she started getting relentless about achieving her goal. After the hurt and betrayal, she took him back because he came to her with what….you guessed it – a ring. However, she didn’t love him nor wanted to be married to him. Sometimes you have to remember why you broke up before you decide to step back into the same relationship. He’s an ex for a reason so leave him in the past. 2. Mr. Right maybe standing beside you the entire time without even realizing it. Have you ever thought about the obnoxious co-worker or “friend” that you share all of your deepest secrets? He may just be your Mr. Right, but you dismiss him because of whatever qualities that he’s missing from your idea of your future mate. Granted, we don’t know the outcome of Trista’s new found relationship/courtship with her former co-worker. We do know that she wasn’t considering him as an option until he started opening himself to her as a friend and supporter. He could just be her Mr. Right. 3. A true friend will tell you when you’re right and when you’re wrong. This was the real meat and potatoes of “With this Ring.” Yes, the movie was focused on their hunt for the ring and marriage, but it relied heavily on the ladies’ friendship.  They fought and celebrated each other’s accomplishments. A real friend will let you know when you are right or wrong. My friends are like that. We will let each other fall really quick, but we will be there to help pick each other up too. In the movie, the ladies took the vow together and supported each other regardless of the situation. They weren’t just friends, but they were also sisters. 4. A ring doesn’t equal happiness. My parents divorced when I was six years old. As a child, I couldn’t understand why they separated, but one thing I knew for sure was that the wedding rings on each of their fingers didn’t equal their happiness. A ring is just a fine metal jewelry that is supposed to represent the vow and union of a marriage, but it won’t change an already broken situation. Trista, Amaya, played by Eve, and Viviane, played by Jill Scott’s newly married friend Elise, played by Brooklyn Sudano, was a prime example. The trio vowed for marriage or the ring, but their friend wasn’t completely married in her union. In some instances, married couples have opt against wearing wedding rings completely because it doesn’t validate their love and happiness in their marriage. Jessica Simpson said, “I don’t really feel that wearing my wedding ring is what determines me being married or not.” If you marry, then do it for love not for the wedding and piece of metal that can be lost in an instant. 5. You must love you first. The most important lesson from “With this Ring” is to love yourself first. Trista was devastated after her venture into online dating was a complete disaster. She met the no’s, hell no’s, and are you kidding me’s! Her friends told her to start focusing on her especially after she lost her job as a talent agent. Trista did just that. She started her own company and began representing Amaya who landed her first movie roll. Everything ended up working out for the three. Viv ended up marrying her son’s father for the right reason – love. Trista realized that she needed to focus on loving herself and took a personal vow of self-love. Amaya ditched her married boyfriend and became a movie star.


stephen bishopWas I the only one who forgot about all of the fine men in Black Hollywood? Whoever casted the characters deserve a round of applause because goodness gracious! There were appearances by Brian White, Jason George, Harold House Moore, and my favorite – Stephen Bishop.

8 thoughts on “The Lessons from With this Ring: Choose You First

  1. I didn’t catch the whole movie but I agree there was definitely some eye candy for us to watch. I was sooooo mad when her ex coworker called her and talking about some impromptu engagement party

  2. You absolutely nailed it! I finally watched it the other day with my hubby and we both enjoyed it. These 5 lessons are absolutely critical, especially that last one. No one can love you better than you love yourself, which is why I started working with other moms on learning how to FLY (first love yourself). Thanks for this great recap!

  3. The cast was wonderful! They did a great job. I read the book years ago and I love it and the movie.

    Yes, the most important thing is to love yourself first! That alone will help you avoid a lot of mess.

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